


Bruised || Oikawa Tooru x Reader

by gomen_tsuki



Category: Haikyuu!!, ハイパープロジェクション演劇「ハイキュー!!」| Hyper Projection Play "Haikyuu!!" RPF
Genre: Angst, Aobajousai, F/M, No Happy Ending Fest, bitter acceptance, fall out of love, impending breakup, seijoh 3rd years - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:01:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29499234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gomen_tsuki/pseuds/gomen_tsuki
Summary: You stared at the bruised roses. The marks already turned an unsightly black, marring the bright red of the fractured petals, dimming their beauty.You glanced at the framed picture of the two of you that you had kept by your bedside, eyes pausing over his dashing figure, bright smile, happiness evident on his face. Looking back at the flowers you felt your stomach roil. Maybe...maybe you should just throw them out.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Original Female Character(s), Oikawa Tooru/Reader, Oikawa Tooru/You
Kudos: 8





	Bruised || Oikawa Tooru x Reader

You stared at your phone, fidgeting with it while worrying your lips between your teeth. You opened the same apps again even though you knew there had been no updates nor were there any notifications. You had already scrolled through your social media for long enough that you were bored of it. You glanced at the clock on the pole in the center of the clearing. 1:47 pm.

You were supposed to meet at 12:30. **_He's doing it again._**

You felt frustration and anger envelope your heart as you savagely bit your lip and determinedly stared at the ground, playing with your fingers. You owlishly blinked at the tiled courtyard of the park. **_Why were you still here? What were you doing?_**

Clenching your teeth in annoyance, you scowled as you realised that you were stubbornly waiting here so that you would have something to say when you talked to him about his lateness. You were doing this just to spite him so that you could say, _"I waited for you for two hours. Two hours, you goddamn jerk."_ or something along those lines.

Why...Why were you trying to pick fights with him? Why did you want to scream and yell at him? Why did you want to show him your wrath? Probably because he was always just showing you that blinding, puppy smile of his. The same smile that he gave everyone, he was slowly beginning to use it on you too; not that he noticed or that you told him. It just... hurt so much. It was almost like irrespective of how you felt he would always just smile at you. You felt so useless to him some times but you didn't even know how to go about asking him about it. You could already imagine his response as he waved you off, probably _"Heh~ My smile? I smile 'coz of yooouu, Y/n-chan~ What are you talking about?"_

"Y/n~" Speak of the devil. You turned your head to face the owner of the voice. You felt a small smile slip past your guard and onto your lips as you watched your boyfriend sprinting towards you, a small bouquet of red roses in hand. As he skidded to a stop before you, you let your gaze rove over him as he doubled over to catch his breath. He was dressed in his favorite combo of a white button down, brown pants and his royal blue double breasted coat. 

"I can't believe you waited for me." He grinned as he finally straightened up, pulling you into a hug. _**Neither can you.**_

Pulling away, he shoved the roses towards you and you felt your lips turning up into a smile before the expression froze on your face. The roses looked like they had been roughly manhandled, the buds and bulbs crushed slightly, petals already beginning to droop. 

"Di-did you drop them or something?" You asked feeling your heart drop. The one sweet-ish thing he did for you and he still managed to half-ass it. Something as easy as getting flowers. 

"I'm so sorry. I know you like keeping them in your room and these are not exactly...the best flowers I've gotten you but I kinda lost track while practicing with Iwa and the guys and when I was getting them my hands were all slippery from the running, you know?" He was rambling and both of you knew it. He was feeling guilty but when you looked in his hazel brown eyes you saw the apology in them. You knew that he hadn't had proper time to meet his high school friends for a long time so- trying to be the bigger person- you swallowed your resentment and irritation. But you knew that the uneasiness and the dull ache in your chest couldn't be dismissed that easily.

"It's fine Tōru. They...there's still beauty in them." You consoled as you held his hand and went on your toes to peck his cheek. He flashed you his trademark fabulous smile and you unconsciously tightened your grip on him as if that could make the feeling of him drifting away disappear. 

You fell into step with him as the two of you walked out the park that had been set up as the meeting point. You stared blankly at the sorry state of the blooms in your hand as he chattered on. Why did you feel your heart sting with sorrow every time you looked at them? 

_**Because they're like you.** _

The thought made your chest tighten and your breathing fasten. Yes, deep inside you knew you felt like the crushed flowers. Remembered but treated as a second thought, something that could be clumsily handled and dropped. Too deep, too deep. _You're over-thinking things again, Y/n._ You chided yourself and you subtly shook your head to clear it, glancing to see if Tōru had noticed that you had zoned out.

Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach when you realised that he had been mindlessly blabbing all this time, never even realising that you had been distracted. Did he even care if you listened or not? Did it not matter if you were there or not?

You plastered a smile on your face as you nodded along with what he said, slowly suffocating your heart as you ruminated silently. 

-

You switched off the bathroom light and slowly padded back to the bed. You shivered in the loose t-shirt that Tōru usually used when he slept over at yours. After your date, the two of you had had a little make-out session which was soon interrupted by one of his team members calling him for practice. Usually you never complained when he left you to go practice. You would never be cruel enough to force him to choose between his crazy passion for the sport and you. Truth be told, you were also pretty sure the answer wouldn't be favorable for you. 

Probably wasn't a good thing that you were so satisfied by being second place all the time. But what could you do? 

You stood by the edge of your bed, curling your hands into fists as you blankly stared at the overturned duvet. You flopped down, tugging the covers over yourself as you curled up in a ball. 

_Stop feeling like this. Stop being so selfish. Stop hurting!_ Your chest heaved with sobs that you struggled to hold back. You desperately clutched the t-shirt in your fists. Too big, the bed was suddenly too big for just you alone which was frankly ridiculous because you had always hogged it. Was it bad that you wanted Tōru to yourself? Were you being too conceited? You didn't know any longer what was acceptable behavior for a girlfriend. You just wanted him to let you in, like how you had brutally ripped apart your walls down just because he said that he wanted to know you better. One word from him and you tried your hardest to improve that aspect of yourself. 

You abruptly stopped, tears still streaming your face when you realised where your thoughts were going. 

When had you started changing for him? When did you start fighting to gain his attention? Why were you so desperate for the slightest affections that he should have shown you either way? When had you gotten stuck in this vicious cycle of blaming everything on yourself? You had gone through so much, struggled by yourself to build yourself up. All to get out of that self-deprecating rut you had been stuck in high school. So how did he manage to just waltz in and set fire to all your efforts to try to treasure yourself? 

You knew deep inside that it wasn't your fault. You weren't the one in the wrong here, you had tried again and again to get him back to you but he kept getting distracted from you, like you were no longer a priority. You knew that it wasn't you who had been the problem. **_But..._ _ **t** hat didn't make it hurt any less._**

Even though you had tried to be realistic throughout your relationship, you couldn't stop your idiotic delusions of at least being with him for a few more years. Moving in, matching up your schedules, having little scraps, coming home to each other, settling into a routine. Stupid, you knew but oh, how you craved for it. That irrational hopelessly romantic part of your head begged you to make those little snippets come true. 

But you couldn't. You never would be able to. 

How could you with a man who you were pretty sure was falling out of love with you day by day? A man who no longer texted you first except for a standard " _good morning!!_ " and " _good night~_ ", who could no longer read your moods, read _you_. Who couldn't distinguish a forced smile from a genuine one?

You sobbed your heartache away, holding yourself as your body grew colder and colder on your bed. You finally stopped, eyes hurting from the excessive scrunching, skin taunt from the now dried tears, your heart numb. You felt yourself stare blankly at the drapes, the violet and ocean blue flowers decorating the cream fabric. You zoned out as you realised that you felt...hollow.

You hadn't felt like this in a long way. It was like someone had taken your heart away, leaving you nothing but a basic functioning person. Your mind was empty, no anger, no resentment, no sorrow, no heartbreak, nothing. It was comforting. You softly smiled to yourself as you rolled up of the bed and walked to the window to pull the curtains open. You wanted to watch the sunrise. Or at the least the slowly changing gradient of the sky as it rose. 

You flopped back on the bed, flipping your pillow over so you slept on the dry side and burrowed in your sheets. Your breathing was soon the only thing you could hear along with the occasional night owl or drunk in the street.

Your gaze roved your room, soaking up the familiarity of it before catching on the sad excuse of a bouquet that you had received. You stared at the bruised roses. The marks already turned an unsightly black, marring the bright red of the fractured petals, dimming their beauty. Turning your body, you glanced at the framed picture of the two of you that you had kept by your bedside. Eyes hesitating over his dashing figure, bright smile, happiness evident on his face and more importantly the complete glee on yours. You did not remember that day as clearly as you would have wished but you remembered the feeling of joy and confidence as the girls all sent double looks at the two of you. Mainly him but that was one day you let yourself have a smug grin pasted on your face.

Looking back at the flowers you felt your stomach roil. Maybe...maybe you should just throw them out.

-

You waited patiently at the table, by now used to waiting for Tōru. You sipped your double chocolate chip cookie latte as you contently read on your phone, the smallest of smiles on your face as you grinned at the antics of the characters.

"Y/N!!" You looked up when you heard an endearingly familiar and now heartbreaking voice shouting your name. You raised your hand in greeting and Tōru flashed you a blinding grin before dropping into the seat next to you.

"What happened that made you send such an ominous message? "Meet me at Emerald's at 10" nothing else. Trying to be cryptic are we now?" He joked and you found yourself chuckling despite yourself.

"I had to tell you something urgently." You said simply and his brow peaked in curiosity and suddenly you found it extremely difficult to meet his gaze. No. You made up your mind.

"Can I order something first?" His voice made your head jerk up and you started to answer before your voice cracked. Embarrassed you looked away, clearing your throat.

"Jesus christ, you look so tense. Ease up, sweetheart." He sent you an amused lift of his lips and you could only find yourself to nod. 

"I don't think it'll take a while and I...have to go somewhere after." You lied. A frown scrunched his forehead and nose as he knelt forward on the table sensing that you weren't joking around.

"I-I love you!" You belted out staring at the table before you could chicken out. You glanced back at him and stared into his eyes, ready to read every emotion that occupied those hazel eyes you loved and once believed held all the secrets of your life. 

Surprise, shock, worry and... guilt. All flashed across his face. He may have no longer been able to read you but you still knew the idiot.

Silence grabbed hold of your little table and you felt like crying all over again. You had expected this, you knew he wouldn't react positively, you goddamn knew it. But the damn pest called hope had still burrowed itself in your heart, refusing to die already. You had begged, prayed, _dared_ to believe that he would maybe, just maybe, be happy even if he couldn't reply.

"Yeah... I thought so too." You broke the stillness with a broken laugh as you clenched your jaw and blinked repeatedly to stop your tears. Digging your nails into your palm, you stared at your lap. 

"Wha- Y/n. No, it's not like that. It's just you know- It's really- I- We-" He stumbled over his words and you could see dread washing over his face. Dread that he had come at all or dread that he hadn't responded like how he wanted to, you weren't really sure.

"Wanna break up?" You said softly, voice barely louder than the passerby's and traffic. He immediately jumped to his feet, chair loudly rattling against the tiled floor. 

"Are you kidding me? Y/n, you can't just spring something like that and-" Tōru said, anger and disbelief transparent in his tone. You glanced around the store, thanking the heavens above that the staff were courteous enough to ignore the little tantrum. 

"It's not that Tōru, I promise. You think I'm so self-absorbed to do that to you just because you didn't say it back?"

"Then what?!" He raised his voice in frustration and a few tears slipped past your guard. **_God, this hurt so much._** Was this really what was good for you? You remembered a quote that you heard in a movie a long time ago. If there is doubt, there is no doubt.

Yes, you knew for a fact that you no longer believed in your relationship with Tōru despite loving him to bits. You didn't deserve to feel so insecure about yourself, about your feelings. But looking at his conflicted face you couldn't help the cracks in your resolve. As if finally seeing the conflict you were suffering, he sat back down eyes never once wavering from your face. Despite your chest aching like you were going into cardiac arrest, it felt nice to finally hold all of his attention. _But why did you have to go to such desperate measures for him to look at you?_

"I-" Your voice broke and you slammed your palm onto your mouth to stop the little sobs and heaves from becoming to loud. "I cried the entire night yesterday. I s-saw the sunrise with tears falling down my face." You finally forced out. 

You shot him what you meant to be a reassuring smile as his eyes widened, jaw slightly dropping, hands that had been splayed on the table curling into fists. You watched as his hand reached for yours and you smiled through the tears as you met his midway, entwining your fingers. You took a deep breathe to clear your mind, you wanted to memorise Tōru for all the happy memories so you gently squeezed his larger hand in yours. The warmth reassuring you. 

"You've been forgetting all our dates recently, you're always turning up late. But that isn't that significant, if I can deal with your dramatic ass then I can surely deal with you being late." You laughed and leaned across the table to wipe the few tears that were now falling from his beautiful chocolate eyes. 

"Don't cry Tōru-chan. You'll make me cry even more." His grip on you tightened as you used the endearment, now that you were talking about all this he began to realise how rarely you had been calling him that these days. 

"You don't tell me anything, Tōru. I hardly know anything about your day- no, let me continue." You said softly, stopping him as his mouth fell open probably to protest. "Sure you tell me what you ate for lunch, who annoyed you, how Iwa keeps assaulting you but have you ever told me if you were closing to break down? If things were becoming too much, if you were scared, if you were unsure?" Your voice was mellow, smooth and sounded strange to your ears, you had no idea how it wasn't cracking considering the violent storm raging in your mind and heart.

You took his silence as your final answer. Your last chance to him hadn't been if he said that he loved you back, you wanted to see if he asked you to give him a second chance. Wanted to see if you mattered enough for him to try and change himself just a bit. Guess not.

"I knew what was happening around you but I never knew what was happening with you. I don't want to be the only dependent one in a relationship, Tōru." You smiled as he still stared mutedly at you. Of course, why did you expect otherwise?

"And you know it too. You don't really need me around the same way I needed you. It's why you aren't saying anything right now, isn't it? It's the truth you didn't want to confront." You concluded for him and immediately his eyes jerked up to yours. You could practically hear the denial from his lips before his voice came out. 

"Please don't make this harder for me." You pleaded as you tugged your hand away from his. He didn't let go instead staring straight at you, as if trying to see what exactly what your mind was thinking. Your lips twisted wryly, he had long forgotten how to read you. He may not but you still could. You saw guilt, pity, self-hatred. Not the heartbreak, sorrow or anguish that would establish his feelings were just as strong as yours. 

"Goodbye Oikawa Tōru." You pulled your hand again, getting up to leave first. You reached into the small bag that lay at your feet, pulling out your last gift to him.

You walked around to him, bending down you pecked his cheek as he sat frozen still like a statue. You gave him a last smile, huh a lot of lasts right now, and gently placed the small bouquet of yellow chrysanthemums peppered with white cyclamens in his hands before walking away not wanting him to see the floodgates finally open as you heard your heart finally shatter.

-

It had been months and Oikawa was still much to scared at what he might find when he searched up the meaning of the flowers he had received. So, being the coward that he was he left the bouquet untouched, now wilted and close to turning to dust at the lightest touch, in the bedside drawer that she had kept her things.

"I'm really sorry, Y/n." He whispered to his silent, empty room. 

**Author's Note:**

> Chrysanthemum - neglected love; sorrow  
> Cyclamen - separation (I'm not too sure about this 'coz in some places I read it means affection and love)


End file.
